Day 77: Eleven Weeks On....

Left Jaw Pain 0/10     

Right Jaw Pain: 0/10    

Hip Pain: 0/10

Inconvenience factor: 5/10

Week 11 already?!?!?! "But what happened to Week 10 Young Lady" I hear you ask!?
If I am honest, last week I was thoroughly fed up! Supremely frustrated, annoyed, down in the dumps, grumpy bearing and absolutely not in the right frame of mind for blogging anything worth reading......unless you like self indulged, whiny emo-ness! 

My wallowing centred on my uneven bottom jaw and the resultant ineffectual chewing I am still plagued by, my continued inability to bite, the numbness, the aching teeth, the ulcers, the constant pins and needles in my face, the stupid bits of bone in my cheeks that refuse to flatten - all of which I had assumed would be back to normal by now. On top of that my inability to run and the dissolution of my previously great fitness base continues to plague me - how am I going to train for and run an Ultramarathon in 2013, if I can't even jog for 20mins at Grandpa pace? (All this leads to the inconvenience factor of 5! I'm definitely ready for life to be approaching normal again!)

So esssentially, you know, all the same old crap I've been banging on about for weeks now and you're probably sick to death of hearing!....Oh...AND on top of all that my goldfish got sick and died! Poor Miss Maggie! :(

And then there is the small matter of my newly acquired wonky smile that I noticed for the first time last week! I freaked out a little bit and since then I have become completely paranoid about smiling. What am I on about? Check this photo out:

>THIS< is what happens when I don't concentrate on smiling and just smile!!!!!!!!

I used to have a fantastic smile....
Now I have that twisted mess up there.....HONESTLY WHAT IS THAT?
It looks like a cross between a grimace and a really bad Groucho Marx impression.

So now, to smile with some sort of symmetry, I have to concentrate really hard and consciously 'pull' down the right side of my lip!
Hard work and annoying! 

This may go part way to explaining my grumpy moods. You don't have to smile when you are grumpy! Life is easier for me this way! :)

A few people have asked me in the past 2 weeks whether it has all been worth it? After some serious pondering of this question, I would have to say, at this point of my recovery....my answer is no, it has not been worth it!!!

Not yet anyway. Hopefully, in time, it will be (please let that be true). But at the moment, I am no better off, in fact I am worse off in terms of my ability to eat, which was, after all, the whole point! Plus, there is the plethora of other things that have and do compromise my quality of life and all the little things yet to resolve themselves that bug me everyday. So, ask me again in a month and hopefully I can answer differently! 
 
One step in the right direction at least this week, was that I managed to complete a slow 20 min jog without stopping or needing medical attention at the end of it! Hooray! There is hope!!!!

Day 63: Nine Weeks On....

Left Jaw Pain 0/10     

Right Jaw Pain: 0/10    

Hip Pain: 1/10

Inconvenience factor: 4/10

Nine weeks in AND a New Year! I figured today was the day to try running again! 

63 days without donning my old faithfuls to hit the trails seems unbelievable.... the withdrawal symptoms have definitely kicked in......I am ready, I have been thinking about this all week - I am finally consuming enough calories, I have my energy and bounce back, and I hardly notice my hip when walking any more. Surely I am ready for a wee jog?!?!? Just 20 to 30 minutes along the beach to the jetty and back! Should be a piece of cake!

The alarm goes off at 6:45am, I pull on my running gear, lace up my shoes and step out in the crisp morning. I return to the house to grab another layer of clothes, mentally check myself and try again! My first few paces are tentative and slow, not sure how the hip is going to go - all is good and I ease into my stride - across the park, over the road, up the hill, down to the beach all smiles and buzzing in the joy of an old friend. I set my sights on the jetty in the distance, locking in a 4.5km circuit. I can do this!!! 

 About 8 mins into the run my hip sends me a quick memo.....I momentarily wonder if I should stop and walk for a bit......Nah! That hardly hurts at all. I know what pain is and that ain't even a 1 on the chart yet! Jetty here I come! You are all probably shaking your heads at me right now but let me tell you it was not my hip that was my undoing....

It seems that every part of my body that missed out on the pity party of the past 9 weeks has decided to have has something to say to me!  2 minutes after the hip twinge, my knees started playing up, then a toe and then my guts cramped like nobody's business to the point it took my breathe away. That pulled me up short! What now? I'm only 10mins in this run, I can't stop now - I refuse to walk!!! But I'm not insane, I aborted the jetty dream, mapped out a shortcut and took 8 mins to run home in the most awkward half crunched over gait you've ever seen. 

Recovery from the guts attack was not swift. It was not pretty. It involved a 'bathroom break', followed by lying on cold tiles and then sitting under a cold shower. Eventually, I came good and managed to limp my way to work. By the end of the day my leg muscles were already stiff and sore - I find this hard to comprehend! I only ran for 18 mins. PATHETHIC!! Have I really lost every scrap of my fitness? It would appear that 9 weeks of being sedentary has sent me right back to the beginning like that dreaded serpent at Number 99 on the snakes and ladders board. Arrgh!!!

My week of chewing has been interesting. My teeth don't line up at all well at the moment, I think this is because the muscles on the left side of my face have loosened, where as the right side muscles are still spme what stiff and tight and create distinct resistance to my jaw opening. This all results in a very uneven biting mechanism and the teeth on my left side never actually meeting. To make matters worse, I keep biting on my numb lip. So, whilst I persist in it, chewing is rather slow and awkward and is definitely not a pretty sight for the beholder! 

The left side of my numb lip and chin has been tingling pins and needles permanently for a number of days now. Whilst, I'm taking this as a great sign for nerve recovery (hopefully), it is also HIGHLY IRRITATING and can be quite distracting. It's like some crazy white noise for your touch sense! 

However, if it means I will get sensation back there again, I will take it for as long as I have to!!!!! Unfortunately, the right side of my bottom lip and chin still has no sensation whatsoever! I may just have to come to terms with it never coming back?!?!?! Argh!

Day 56: Eight Weeks on...

Left Jaw Pain 0/10     

Right Jaw Pain: 0/10    

Hip Pain: 1/10

Inconvenience factor: 2/10

Hipbone bits in my cheek 0/10 

It's been a GREAT week! I finally have progress in my ability to chew! I have been testing it out every day - usually with painful feedback which stops further attempts. But yesterday, my mouth opened noticeably wider than ever before (well at least since surgery - Check out the gapping gob below).

I also realised that yawning did not hurt anymore - I could feel the muscles working but they didn't hurt! So, it was with great excitement that I undertook my daily chewing experiment: A small spoonful of soggy weetbix....yes okay, not the most formidable of opponents but you have to start somewhere. For the first time in 8 weeks, I was victorious! You have no idea how amazing that feeling was!!!

So I figured it was time to explore my chewability with some more challenging foods!!!

Round 2 -  Morning tea scones with jam and cream - Cut up into tiny pieces - somewhat awkward and not very effective chewing of 3 pieces of scone but no pain and no inner cheek chomping either - thank goodness!

Round 3 - Spinach and fetta pasty roll - again something super soft and cut into tiny pieces but was chomped on 6 pieces with great success and in a slightly more coordinated manner!

Round 4 - A pile of Smarties - Suck them a little bit and gently crush between the teeth - left side was sweet, the right side of my jaw did not want to play ball and hurt so I quit but it's good to find my new limits.

I am so excited to be well and truly back on the road to chewing. It's slow and awkward but it's CHEWING!!!!!! Woo Hoo!!! 

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Day 49: Seven Weeks On....

Left Jaw Pain 0/10       (8/10 during failed attempts to chew)
Right Jaw Pain: 0/10    
Hip Pain: 1/10
Inconvenience factor: 3/10
Hipbone bits in my cheek 1/10 

With the Christmas Silly Season I must apologise for missing a blog week! Far too much was going on and I became horribly distracted!

I hope you all had a fantastic Christmas with family and friends and savoured EVERY mouthful of food that you CHEWED! Sadly, I was not so fortunate. I am still failing to successfully accomplish that fundamental and most basic of skills.....chewing. Aaargh!!!

So my Christmas feasts were limited to things I could essentially mash! I shouldn't really complain - Roast veggies with gravy are pretty yummy and I can stuff many desserts and things of chocolately goodness into my mouth!!!
 I guess you might be wondering what the problem with chewing is??? It's a combination of things really.....

• I can't open my mouth very widely so only small things can go in
• I still have lots of numbness in my mouth and can't tell where the food is
• My teeth especially the molars don't meet properly yet (we're working on it)
• My still internally swollen cheek still gets in the way and unwittingly chomped on
• The muscles in my jaw joints are not very strong and achieving pressure is difficult
• The jaw muscles are also not very happy when stretched or moved 'wrongly' and give incredibly painful feedback

Patience, Patience, Patience!!!

I did receive a great Christmas present though.....FINALLY my X-RAYS! Woo Hoo! My face is full of metal - plates, screws, pins - check it out!  

 

The right side of this image above is the left side of my face - the perfectly behaved side. The other side (on the left) is the right side I have whinged so much about - the one that suffered the 'unfavourable split'. 
C - shows you where the first cut was made. 
A -  shows where the jaw ended up splitting very unfavourably
B - shows where the surgeon had to cut/break my jaw to complete the surgery. 
Just below A you can see three pins that were used to hold the broken jaw all together.
D - shows the pin used to attach the hip bone to my cheek. 

Front view....Arrow shows the mess that my right jaw turned into as the initial break site.

  Side Profile

Day 35: Five Weeks On...

Left Jaw Pain 0/10       (6/10 when performing jaw exercises and yawning)
Right Jaw Pain: 1/10    (6/10 ditto)
Hip Pain: 1/10
Inconvenience factor: 3/10
Hipbone bits in my cheek 1/10 

Crikey 5 weeks on already! 

I'm still shrinking and by the look of the photos below I believe that my left side is pretty much back to normal! Still some fatness on the right to shed but it's definitely getting close now!!!

 

This week I have really really struggled with my pureed diet! I am OVER it! 5 weeks is ENOUGH!!! I want texture! I crave texture! My risotto success last week inspired me to try some pasta - surely that would be soft enough. After attempting to masticate a single piece of pasta for over a minute and failing dismally to turn it into smaller swallowable pieces I gave up and threw the power stick at it. Let me tell you pureed tuna pasta bake is ORDINARY at best. Back to the drawing board!

With Christmas less than 2 weeks away I am really starting to get concerned about my inability to chew. Do you know how much good food is around right now? How could you not?! I have lost 6kg post surgery. I can not imagine a better position to be in at Christmas time - hungry and with plenty of free reign to gain some weight. It is a seriously cruel twist of fate that I still can not chew. Please, please return this simple skill to me asap! I can't stop thinking about all the amazing food and delicious treats that I know to be on the menu for the next 2 weeks! Aaaah! Please don't be this mean!! The pain begins tomorrow night - it's our work Christmas dinner at a phenomenal Greek Restaurant! At this stage I will be squashing zucchini croquettes and mashing moussaka into pulp! 

I have to say though that CHEESECAKE has been my one saving grace! I can eat it! All of it, including the bottom layer as it is! No processing needed! One teaspoon full at a time!!! And I LOVE cheesecake! Heavenly!!! :)

I've had a few exciting moments this week when bits of my bottom lip and chin have tingled with pins and needles! Hopefully, this means feeling will return soon! That would also be a very nice and greatly appreciated Christmas present!

My jaw joints have been aching a lot and even sort of popping this week. I'm assuming that it's a combination of more talking (thanks to working again) and my opening/closing exercises. I'll take it as a good sign that the muscles are strengthening and repairing. Hurry up!!! :)

Vital Statistics Update:

• Still numb bottom lip down to my chin tip
• Still can not open my mouth more than two centimetres
• Still can not chew - boo!
• No more open wounds in my mouth, very few ulcers left!!! Yay!
• I have lost 6kg to date - I think my apathy towards pureed food has resulted in less calories going in my mouth this week!

Day 28: Four Weeks On....

Left Jaw Pain 0/10 
Right Jaw Pain: 1/10    (6/10 when performing jaw exercises)
Hip Pain: 2/10
Inconvenience factor: 3/10
Hipbone bits in my cheek 2/10 (they have really been hurting this week so rate a mention).

 

This week I thought I'd share with you one of the essential tools for double jaw surgery recovery. Hands down the one faithful friend that I used at least 4 times a day was the good old stab mixer! Yes, I played with the blender and dabbled with the juicer but in terms of power, convenience and minimal mess to clean up, the stab mixer can not be beaten. Smoothies, mash potato, pureed vegetables, soup and on more adventurous days pasta and take away food all passed through it's blade! 

I am so in love with my stab mixer that I have taken it with me on my interstate trip!! No head shaking people...how else am I going eat away from home? I packed my beloved stab mixer very carefully into my suitcase last night and spent 3 hours this morning in various states of separation anxiety hoping that it would survive the trip! Thankfully, it did and I am pleased to report that it has already been put to good use making an awesome peach smoothie and later blending up a new batch of leek and potato soup! I really can't live with out it at the moment!!! :)

Big news for the week:

I returned to work on Monday for 3 days, thankfully only clocking up short days (~5 hours a day). It was great to see everyone and to start being remotely productive again. However, it was quite a challenge for my poor brain and very tiring physically. I was absolutely wiped when I got home - I think that my lower food intact has a lot to do with my lack of stamina. I also noticed that my jaw joints and new cheek bones were very achy and sore - I think this comes from all the extra laughing, smiling and talking!!!

Other Highlights for this week:

• I saw the surgeon again on Tuesday. Patience is still the order of the day. No X-rays produced AGAIN! Hmmm...I might have to get annoying and apply more pressure. I am going crazy with curiosity to see what the jaw, plates, pins and screws look like!
• I have been assigned exercises for my jaw - basically this involves removing the elastics and opening and closing my mouth as wide as possible. This may not sound like much to you, but for me it is an epic challenge and very quickly causes great aching in the jaw joint.
• I ate un-pureed roast pumpkin risotto tonight!!! I wouldn't necessarily say I actually chewed it (more squashed it on the roof of my mouth and swallowed the rice whole) and I still had to use a teaspoon BUT it was not pureed and that certainly FEELS like a massive victory and a definite step forward!! 

Vital Statistics Update:

• Another new wiring diagram
• Still numb bottom lip down to my chin tip
• Still obvious swelling on the right side of my face both inside and out (quote noticeable in the photo above I think)
• Still can not open my mouth more than a few centimetres
• Still can not chew
• Still spraying all my teeth and mouth out with salted water after consuming food
• I have lost 5.5kg to date